Documenting My ADHD Assessment
Documenting my entire ADHD assessment process. From hyper focusing on cloud engineering and photography, to childhood anomalies, risky behavior, and why I finally called the GP.
Introduction
In my cloud engineering role I spend most of my time learning new technologies, creating lessons, and building architectures from scratch. I document absolutely everything I build. I never used to document anything, but when I was learning cloud I realized how important it was. I would document my solutions and spend more time writing them up than actually building them. I enjoyed that process, and it transferred into documenting my personal life too. That idea really took off after I created an agent on my site and wanted to give it information about me so it could become my personal assistant. Now I also document things like my twelve week creatine study or learning to bake, so it made perfect sense to document this medical process too.
People have been telling me for years that I might have ADHD, but I never actually acted on it. The real tipping point happened recently. I went on a date with a girl who was just diagnosed with it. We were talking and she suggested I might have it too. I went home that night feeling completely wired. My brain would not stop thinking about everything we discussed, and I realized I could not keep ignoring it anymore. I called my GP, got a referral, and recently submitted my assessment forms to Harrow Health.
Filling out those medical questionnaires forced me to look at my entire life and compile a lot of raw data. This post is massive so I broke it down into three specific sections. Part one covers my hyperfocus, how my brain gets stuck in top gear, and how I build things. Part two looks back at my childhood anomalies, the daydreaming, and my academic track record. Part three gets into the heavy stuff regarding my impulsivity, my legal history, my relationships, and the actual steps I took to get an assessment.
I am not writing this because I am at rock bottom or looking for an excuse. I am actually at the best point in my life right now, but I just want to understand how my mind actually works.
What this post is
A personal documentation of my ADHD assessment process. Every story and detail in this post is the reasoning behind the answers I gave on three medical questionnaires. It is written honestly and in the order I lived it.
Part 1 The Top Gear Brain
For the last six months my brain has been stuck in top gear. I am constantly doing things, learning, and getting hyper focused on new projects.
Hyperfocus
A state of intense, prolonged concentration on a single task or subject. Everything else fades out. Time disappears. The task completely consumes you until it is finished.
When I get hooked on something, I cannot leave that task until I have finished it and it completely consumes me. If you look at my personal website right now, the recent posts show exactly how deep I go. Everything is organised, detailed, and thorough. I recently showed someone my blueberry pie recipe and she was very impressed.
Since I bought a Sony A6700 from CEX in September, the recent posts speak for themselves. I went to Bodrum twice, shot 1,668 photos in Montenegro, taught myself Lightroom, built a photo gallery system for my site, wrote technical guides on low light gym filming, taught myself video scene by scene in Bodrum, filmed a client at a HYROX event, learned how to colour grade in Premiere Pro, built a custom Amazon Bedrock AI agent, documented a twelve week creatine study, played through The Last of Us Part 1 and 2, started the remastered Snake Eater but lost interest after an hour long cut scene, baked potato buns and a Finnish blueberry pie from scratch, and documented three variations of a Turkish bulgur pilaf.
It did not stop there. In just seven days I took all that new media knowledge and completely engineered a massive project. I chose the name DenMotion, bought the domain, and built a custom portfolio site from scratch. I merged three completely different design layouts into one project, set up self hosted video so nothing gets compressed, and built a whole client funnel. I even built a custom branded video sharing page on a subdomain just so I could stop sending people ugly Google Drive folders. I automated the whole thing and migrated all the infrastructure so I own and control every piece of it with zero monthly fees.
You would think I am trying to run a full time media agency, but I am actually just a cloud engineer whose side projects have completely taken off. I do not always procrastinate on my real work, but once these projects hook me I cannot let them go. It is interesting because I recently came across this word called convergence.
Convergence
Multiple skills that can be used together to compound. Unrelated things you have learned over time that start reinforcing each other.
It is like I have been able to use all my cloud engineering skills to accelerate my learning in photography and video. I have learned fundamental technical skills that just naturally carry over into anything new I pick up.
Career and Criminal Record
I used that exact same obsessive energy to completely change my life later on. I got my first real office job at the age of thirty four. It is not even relevant to my degree, but I got it because I completely hyper focused on cloud engineering. I had a massive hurdle to clear because I have a criminal record from my past. I honestly did not know it was that bad until I tried to get a corporate job. I actually had four different job offers rescinded when they ran background checks.
I was persistent and pushed through all those rejections to finally get a job. It took me six different AWS certifications and building a YouTube channel to showcase the architectures I built. People always told me my work was at the level of a senior engineer. Back then I thought they were just being polite, but now I see it is actually true. I would say most of my work is done to a very high standard. That is probably why I still have my job after multiple rounds of layoffs. I produce good work, and I am the cheapest junior on the team.
Finances and the Future
I honestly think I have hit a nice niche as a cameraman and cloud engineer. I can use both skills and my hyperfocus to become really successful. I have realized you will never make real money paying income tax and having a regular job like I do. My fifty grand salary is alright, but I lose a grand in taxes and student finance every month. I take home three grand, and it is just not enough. I also always opt out of the company pension scheme. I must be the only person who does that, and I find it interesting that everyone just willingly stays in it. It is just another tax in my eyes. That money they take now will not be worth the same when we are old. They always say the company will match your contribution, but I do not want it.
I am grateful for where I am, but that is why I think I need a second source of income. I honestly think I can make a lot of money from this new camera obsession if I channel it right. I recently went to a Hyrox event at Olympia London and filmed a personal trainer. I made a cinematic compilation video and offered it to him for free just to practice my skills. I have faith in this just like I did when I taught myself cloud engineering.
I have been thinking lately about what would happen if I got hyper focused on my finances instead of just hobbies. I am sure I would get rich. I know money does not bring happiness, and I have personally gone from having loads of it to hitting absolute rock bottom. Even now I just realized I am living paycheck to paycheck again. I am happy though. I have my own place, I have a good routine, I eat very well, and I get to go away when I can. I pay all my bills except the water bill. I really do think people should be happy with what they have, but if I could somehow channel my hyper focus into my finances, who knows what would happen.
My brain is always on and I just act on ideas instantly without delay. I thought this intense, productive obsession was just how I operated. However, this level of focus only exists when I actually care about the subject. When I am forced to do something I find boring, my brain does the exact opposite. That is where the real problems start.
The Motorbike Years
This zero to one hundred obsession is not a new thing for me. Another perfect example is my history with motorbikes.
Bodrum at Seventeen
I was seventeen and had just got my provisional green licence. I was begging my mum to let me rent a motorbike in Bodrum. It was a manual. She would not let me and said it was too dangerous, but I just would not let it go. This was before I bought the GSXR.
Her mum got sick and she had to leave to go see her. She left me with family in Bodrum. That night she left, I secretly went to the shop and rented a motorbike. I drove it from Gundogan to Bodrum city centre at night time in the dark. I am not even sure how I knew the route, I just drove. I remember it was a dark drive and I was blasting music, so excited, because I knew how to use the clutch. I think I hit 100km/h at one point. The final road before you get into Bodrum has a very steep right turn. I came to that super fast, saw the sign late, and dipped it. I thought I made it, but then right after that bend there was another one much steeper. I remember looking and thinking I am done. I continued to dip it to my right side and at first it was working, but then I slipped off. I had to dip too much of an angle to make the turn. I was in a t-shirt and shorts. I slid off and just remember rolling and rolling and rolling thinking when would this stop. Eventually I stopped. Music still in my ears, song still playing. I Need a Hero, that old school song. I was standing in the middle of the road in complete shock. It was like a dual carriageway.
A man saw from a distance, ran over, and pulled me to the side because I was off the bend and cars could have come and hit me. An ambulance was called and I was taken to hospital. Everywhere was cuts and grazes. Arms, legs, bum. Somehow I did not hit my head on the floor, otherwise I would have been finished, especially at 100km/h. The hospital stitched my knee up as it was the deepest wound and where first contact was made. They gave me a scrub down and said go. I remember just feeling so sick and then being interviewed by a police man. I got a cab back to Gundogan. The next day my step dad took me to a private hospital to have the wounds properly cleaned. It was painful. Also funnily enough I was in Bodrum for a month and had such a good tan, but because of the scrapes and wounds it was all gone. The irony.
I had a few days left in Bodrum before I returned back to London. Got back to London and actually lost my wallet. I remember telling the Underground this and they let me go for free. Made it home and I had a Labrador. Opened the door and he could not stop licking my wounds. That day and the last few days all my wounds were itching badly. I knew something was up. Went to St Mary’s Hospital and everywhere was infected. I was given laughing gas and they scrubbed all my wounds down as the scabbing was infected too. With tweezers or something they picked out pieces of grit out of my skin. That was one of the most painful experiences in my life, but at the same time I remember the laughing gas. My friend was there laughing saying my balls were out as I was high on laughing gas and in shorts. I was given two weeks of antibiotics. They told me I might need a skin graft but luckily not. I remember the pain standing was a lot. Nerves at the skin. I could not stand for long. I made a full recovery, and although I said at the time bikes never again, the following year I went and got the GSXR.
The GSXR 600
When I was nineteen I went from riding a friend’s scooter to completely falling in love with bikes. It took me two years to save up, and I bought a GSXR 600. I paid for it all myself, and the insurance cost two grand just for third party cover. I did forty thousand miles in one single year before it got stolen.
In that one year I completely mastered the bike. I learned how to get my knee down, do wheelies, and do burnouts. I even learned how to change my own oil, the air filter, the spark plugs, and the chain and sprocket. I would change my brake pads right there in my car park. I remember being on my knees rubbing in the copper grease just so the brakes did not squeak. It is honestly scary to remember the speeds I used to hit and the things I used to do. My top speed was around 160 miles per hour, which I hit a few times while going in and out of traffic. I would have been dead if I made one little mistake.
While practicing getting my knee down, I got cocky going around a roundabout in Park Royal. I had a bad accident and bruised and broke my ribs to the point where I could not breathe. That taught me a fundamental life lesson to stay humble and not get cocky. Eventually when I recovered I started hitting the track. I started off at Brands Hatch as a novice and then traveled all over England doing Snetterton, Cadwell Park, and Silverstone. I even made it to the intermediate group. Despite all the crashes that happen on track days, I never had one because I learned that lesson from the roundabout. Then the bike got stolen, the novelty wore off, and that was that. I like to think I am much more sensible now. However, I still get these moments where I just want to go crazy. Having that power in a bike is so tempting and there is no feeling like it. Going from 0 to 100 in a couple of seconds, the acceleration. I can only compare it to a jet taking off, but the vehicle is a pocket rocket.
Part 2 The Academic Glitch
When I started filling out the medical forms from Harrow Health, I realized how far back these patterns go. There might even be a physical reason for it from birth. Apparently there was a delay when my mum was in labor and I had no oxygen for a bit. I was put in an incubator for three days. The doctors told her something could have happened to my brain. I always thought my childhood was just normal, but staring at these assessment questionnaires made me realize how wild my behavior has actually been since day one.
School
The forms asked about my focus back in school. I remembered being in year four and daydreaming through entire lessons. I would sit there having sexual thoughts and completely zoning out of whatever the teacher was saying. When they put movies on at the end of the school day it was absolute torture. I would sit in the hall for two hours completely checked out because I just could not focus on the TV.
I was definitely a class clown and I would say dumb things just to get a laugh. I even told my classmates in year three that I had my dick pierced. Another time I thought it would be funny to piss out of my fifth floor window. I just did things without thinking.
Injuries
Physically I was always running around outside and putting myself at risk. I was the kid who would climb high fences to get the football back.
When I was about five I ran off, tripped over a tree, and broke my left elbow. I remember waking up the following morning and I could not move my arm. That was a fracture.
In year four I broke my right elbow falling off the monkey bars. I tried to jump to the furthest one I could, my hand slipped, and I elbow dropped the floor. I had surgery and needed metal pins, and I still have the scars.
I also jumped off a goal post and both bones popped out of my wrist. I had surgery to put it back in, but when it healed one of the bones continued growing and the other did not. My wrist is slightly uneven because of it. The doctor had to do another surgery to kill off the bone that was growing so it did not get worse. They offered another one where they would take bone out of my hip and put it in my wrist, but at that point I did not want more surgeries so I just live with it now.
Sensory Issues
I also had weird sensory habits that I still carry with me today. School canteens used to creep me out as a kid, and they still creep me out to this day. I refuse to eat in them. I strictly only eat Heinz ketchup and I will not touch other brands. I absolutely cannot stand mayonnaise or white sauces on anything. I cannot eat a burger if it has white sauce on it. It is not even about the taste, but my brain just completely rejects it.
The Academic Pattern
The biggest red flag was my academic record. I was in the bottom set for everything and teachers predicted terrible grades for my GCSEs. I never listened in class. However, for some reason I finally locked in at the absolute last minute. I shocked everyone by revising hard right before the exams and getting straight As.
Writing this now I have actually realized how I learn. If I was in school always daydreaming then I clearly do not learn by listening. I still have the same problem today. I learn by doing. That is why I am so good at cloud engineering, because instead of listening to video lectures I go on to the AWS console and build. This website, I built. The fact that it is online, I manage. Even the structure of this post is all syntax I learned by doing. That is probably why I am picking up the camera so fast too. School teaching was just not for me.
That exact pattern just kept repeating itself. I completely failed my first year of A levels. Then I suddenly locked in again and got As. I actually scored 117 out of 120 in an English Literature exam on The Great Gatsby. My teacher was completely shocked. He said if they had A stars back then I would have gotten one. Once I proved I could do it, I completely lost interest and got bad grades the following year. I ended up finishing with average A level grades of a B, a B, and a C.
Then I went to university to study Law and the cycle happened all over again. I failed my first year of the LLB. I was always doing resits because I knew I had that safety net. I never focused or even started the work until the resit actually came, and then I would easily pass. In my final year I realized those grades actually counted for my degree classification. I completely locked in during the final term and somehow came out with a 2.1.
Looking back at it all laid out on paper, it shows a clear pattern. I am highly capable of doing the work, but I only ever perform when the pressure is absolute. I survived my entire education by relying on last minute panic and raw hyperfocus.
The childhood forms were only half the assessment. The adult section forced me to look at how these habits mutated as I got older. That is when I had to face the reality of my legal history, my risky behavior, and why I struggle so much to maintain normal relationships.
Part 3 The Chaos and the Clarity
The adult assessment forms forced me to look at how my childhood habits mutated as I got older. They asked about misplacing items and being easily distracted. I always lose my bank cards and my keys. I once left my keys on my motorbike box and just drove off, but sometimes I find them days later in weird places like the kitchen sink.
Restlessness and Awareness
I also day dream a lot. I used to blast house music on my commute and just go completely into my own world. That is probably why I have terrible face blindness. A girl once walked right past me, smiled, and said my name, but I had absolutely no idea who she was. This happens to me a lot. Over the years people always seem to recognise me. Sometimes I have to go with the conversation because it would be rude to ask sorry who are you. Then I walk off thinking who was that.
Recently I stopped listening to music when I walk. I am so much more aware of my surroundings now, and it actually feels amazing to be present. I also never write things down for my daily life. I just store it all in my head and constantly talk to myself. Although writing these journal posts really makes me self reflect and keeps bringing back memories.
I work from home and I find myself getting out of my chair occasionally unless I am hyper focused on a project. I will get up to clean or make coffee just to move around. I absolutely hate queues and waiting around, and I will cut a line if I can because I am incredibly impatient. The questions about sensory issues hit hard too. I get really annoyed by repetitive noises that other people seem to ignore. The remote gym I go to plays an announcement every fifteen minutes about staff being present, and it drives me absolutely crazy and ruins my workout. Sirens in London are the same thing. There are always loud sirens, and construction and road works. It really annoys me. Come to think of it maybe that is why I used to love wearing headphones everywhere. It reminds me of those autistic children that wear the big fat headphones walking around, although I am not that bad.
Relationships and Family
The forms also dug into my personal life and relationships. I have a lot of problems with my family because my mum wants me to be more expressive and loving. I know I should open up, but I really struggle to show that side of myself. I do not think I have ever been able to tell my parents I love them even though I deeply do. Things are already tense at home because my sister is a schizophrenic drug addict who has been sectioned under the mental health act multiple times. She started off smoking cannabis and ended up doing heroin and crack cocaine. It ruined her life, and it makes me wonder if there are genetic family things going on. She is off the drugs now, but she will never be the same sadly. I am just very blunt and prefer to keep things to myself.
Dating is the exact same story. I have never had a real relationship in my life because I just get bored after a few months. Whenever I date someone it always ends badly. They usually end things because I do not progress the relationship, or they block me because I offend them. I say things without thinking sometimes. I do not mean to be rude, but my personality is just a lot to handle. I am also not very expressive in sex either. Women always mention that. I am pretty silent, and I do not really know why. I dislike using condoms and I know that is risky impulsive behaviour, but I am careful with who I sleep with. More so now as I have grown up. I do get tested once a year.
Impulsivity and Spending
Then there is the impulsivity. I recently went to Bodrum for three weeks and spent almost two grand. In the final week before I ran out of money I knew I needed to come back because it made sense, but I did not want to. I wanted to stay one more week, so I just extended the car rental and made it happen. Maybe I am selfish and always thinking about what I want to do. I do not think I am irresponsible in general, but when it comes to spending I am impulsive for sure. Oh the things I have bought. I came back with absolutely no money until the end of the month, and I had to borrow cash just to get by.
Driving and Risk
While I was out there I had total freedom and drove around like it was a race track just for the thrill. I have always had road traffic offenses and speeding tickets, but I am not actually in a rush. I just do not care. I previously lost my license twice when I was younger. Once I got twelve points, and another time I lost it under the new driver act because I got six points in two years. I had to completely redo my theory and practical tests. Why am I going to stress over points on a plastic license. The worst case scenario is a driving ban, and that is not the end of the world.
The Criminal Record
However, my risky behavior went much deeper than just driving fast or spending money. In the past my impulsivity led me into gambling, and that eventually escalated into drug dealing. The way I got caught was actually funny because I was so careless and unaware. I was dealing to someone off my moped in St. Pauls in the City of London. It was a hire bike registered directly to me. Two police officers just strolled down the street from behind, walked up to me slowly, and stopped me with an arm on my shoulder. I bet they could not believe it. How could I be so careless. I guess ADHD impulsivity got me into it, and the carelessness got me caught. It was working both angles.
I did run off and got away from the police initially, but then I jumped into a garden and completely trapped myself. I was found hiding in a bush, and the police had dogs too. I was arrested, and after a year of waiting I went to court, pleaded guilty, and got a suspended sentence.
The struggles that came with that conviction were massive because no one hires people with criminal records.
Substances
I also used to drink, but I eventually gave up because I got hyper focused on my diet and wellbeing. I was never a bad drinker before that. In terms of drugs I have always been scared because I saw what it does to people. Between my sister and what I saw from selling, I know it consumes you. I have tried a few psychedelics and smoked before, but I never really liked how I felt. I like being in control of myself, and that is probably why I never got addicted to anything.
Although I tried acid once, and it was the most unexpected beautiful hour of my life. I can remember the feeling of pure happiness. The interesting thing is that anytime I have drunk or taken drugs, an occasional pill in my twenties, I was always in a good place. I was never running away from things like most people on drugs, so my experiences were always positive because they reflected my mindset.
I was at a house party two Christmases ago and everyone was off their nut. I was having a drink, maybe had two max, and I remember just looking around thinking this is sad. Everyone was running away from problems. That was the last time I drank.
Diet and Health
Three to four months after that last drink I locked in on my nutrition. I cut sugars and ultra processed foods out. When I say that I still treat myself occasionally, but it is a treat not a routine. I never looked back since. I have never been tempted to drink. I just do not want to poison my body.
I did a blood test after nine months of eating clean and compared it to my previous results from when I had a bad diet. Everything in my blood improved. Inflammation, you name it. Everything except cholesterol which is high, but apparently that is always high. Imagine not being sick in over a year. For me that is massive. I used to land with a fever two to three times a year at least. I remember I went to the doctor once and asked why do I keep getting sick. Never forget he suggested I might have aids. I had a blood test and obviously not that, but I did have very low vitamin D.
Eating clean has done wonders. I have learned that nutrition is more important than training. I used to always train, maybe over train with weights, but I was not putting the right fuel in my body so what was the point. Everyone bangs on about how nutrition is important. We all know this. The difference is I have actually experienced it now, and I cannot go back. That is why I cook and bake so much, because I am in control. Do not trust the supermarkets. They are all about profits not our health.
I also take these supplements daily and I swear by them because I feel great.
- Magnesium
- Vitamin D
- Omega 3
- Vitamin B12
- Zinc
- Lion’s Mane
- Turmeric
I learned there is no positive outcome from feeling sorry for yourself. You just have to get up and take action, and small changes compound over time.
The Tipping Point
A friend recently told me I am incredibly self aware, and it made me question why. I was not always like this. I feel like my diet, taking Lion’s Mane supplements, and constantly journaling has done something positive to me. I write all these blog posts for my personal website that no one sees, but it helps me process things.
The real turning point was a recent date with a girl who was diagnosed with ADHD. We were talking and she suggested I might have it too. People have mentioned this to me before, but I never actually acted on it. I went home that night feeling completely wired. My brain would not stop thinking about everything we discussed, and I realized I could not keep ignoring it. I called my GP on a Tuesday morning, and a doctor called me back. We spoke for ten minutes, and she was convinced enough to refer me for an assessment right away.
Filling out these forms took forever because it forced me to look at my entire life differently. I realized I needed two people to act as informants for the assessment. I picked a friend I have known since year eight who lived with me for the adult section, and a friend from primary school for the childhood part.
Most people look into ADHD when they are at their absolute lowest and depressed. I am looking into this when I am probably at the best point in my life. I want to emphasize that despite this entire life story, I am very happy and grateful. This whole process is just self reflection and learning how my mind works. I have trained my body my whole life, and if I look after my body like that, why not look after my brain. I will see what the doctor says at the appointment, and I am ready to finally get some answers.
The Medical Forms
When Harrow Health sent me the assessment I had to fill out three specific medical questionnaires. The first was the Adult ADHD Self Report Scale. It asks how often you experience certain things on a scale ranging from never to very often. The second was the WEISS Functional Impairment Rating Scale. That one looks at how your behavior actually impacts your family, work, life skills, and risky behavior. The third was the Wender Utah Rating Scale, which looks back at your childhood symptoms. You have to rate your past behaviors on a scale ranging from not at all or very slightly, all the way up to very much.
The forms only ask you to tick boxes, but I needed to know exactly why I was choosing those answers. Every single story, memory, and detail I have written in this entire post is actually just an example I used to answer the questions on those three forms. I did not just blindly tick boxes. I documented my exact justifications for every single answer.
The Informants
I had to provide details for an adult informant and a childhood informant for the assessment. I picked my friend Yousef for the adult section. We have known each other since year eight and we actually lived together. He recently called me and asked how he should fill out the form. I just told him to answer the questions exactly how he thinks. I did not want to give him any input because I want this assessment to be as accurate as possible.
For the childhood section I picked my friend Josh. He knew me in primary school, went away, and came back into my life at thirty. Josh is actually diagnosed with ADHD himself. It is funny because him, me, and another friend from our group either have it or are looking into it. Schools were probably just not trained for this type of thing thirty years ago.
The Current Framework
While I wait for the assessment I already have a strict framework that keeps my life together. I usually like to start my day with a walk, and I consistently hit about ten thousand steps a day. I train at the gym five times a week, and I play football. My diet used to be terrible, but now it is obsessively good. I cook my own food and track things like my twelve week creatine study.
I also take Lion’s Mane supplements, and I feel like that has done something positive for my brain. A friend recently told me I am incredibly self aware. I was not always like this, but I think constantly journaling and writing these blog posts that no one sees really helps me process my thoughts. I have trained my body my whole life. If I look after my body like that, I figure I should probably look after my brain too.
Thoughts on Medication
Getting an official diagnosis usually means discussing treatment options. Given my past and everything I saw with my sister and drug dealing, I am very cautious about substances. I have always preferred being in complete control of myself. When it comes to treating ADHD, I would actually be much more open to ADHD coaching rather than taking medication. However, I am willing to keep an open mind. I just want to see what the assessment actually says first.
The Assessment Timeline
Here is the exact timeline of the assessment process so far.
| Date | Event |
|---|---|
| Tuesday March 31, Morning | I called the GP to ask for a referral. |
| Tuesday March 31, Afternoon | A doctor called me back for a ten minute chat and agreed to refer me. |
| Wednesday April 1 | I received the official emails from Harrow Health and started the forms. |
| Thursday April 2 | I completely finished and submitted the Adult ADHD Self Report Scale, the Wender Utah Rating Scale, and the WEISS Functional Impairment Rating Scale. |
| Tuesday April 21 | I have my official assessment booked. It is going to be a one to two hour telephone call. |
It is a shame it is a phone call and not a meeting in person. I really would have preferred to do this face to face, but it is what it is. I am just ready to get it done and see what they say.
I am honestly shocked at how quickly this whole process is moving. Three weeks from GP call to assessment. People always say it takes months or even years. A friend of mine went private because the NHS wait was so long. Meanwhile I have been waiting over six months just to get a scan for a rotator cuff tear in my shoulder. It is funny how that works.
The Path
It is fascinating how life just took me down this path. None of it was planned. Each thing just led to the next because I followed whatever had my attention at the time.
If I never got caught drug dealing I would never have been forced to turn my life around. That arrest led me to cloud engineering. Cloud engineering taught me to document. I used to spend more time writing up my solutions than actually building them. I enjoyed that process. It became part of how I learned.
I already knew how to build a Jekyll Chirpy site which I absolutely love for blogging. I love the syntax and the way I can set it up and have a website running online in minutes. Years ago when I started my career I bought two domains. Denizyilmaz.cloud and digitalden.cloud. I used DigitalDen for work in the end and Deniz Yilmaz sat dormant. Until I started writing all these posts and realized it was no longer just a subdomain of DigitalDen. It was worthy of its own domain.
The documentation habit led me to creating a lesson on Amazon Bedrock agents. That lesson then led me to building a simple agent on my own website where you can talk to it and an action group searches my documentation site. If the question is not about my work docs it answers with its own knowledge. That agent needed personal data about me to become a proper assistant, and that is what pushed me into journaling my personal life. The journaling led to self reflection. The self reflection plus one conversation with a girl led to this assessment. Every single step just pointed to the next without me realizing where it was all going.
Why do I find this so fascinating. I swear sometimes I am on the AWS console and I love clicking away building things. It reminds me of when I was a kid and used to obsessively play video games. A friend pointed out that I used to buy a game, clock it in a day or two, and then trade it in and get another. I spent countless hours on video games too. It is the same pattern. Go all in, finish it, move on to the next thing. I fell out of games when I went to uni, but now occasionally I get interested in one and go all in again.
The PS4
I watched The Last of Us series one and two and loved it. Then I needed to find out what happens in the game. Started up my PS4, but it would not work. The disc would not read. So I was watching a video on YouTube and then opened up the whole console with a kitchen knife to clean the drive. I did not have the correct screwdriver and I could not wait. Opened it all up, wiped it down, put it back in, closed it, and it did not work.
So I opened it again. This time I opened up the actual drive. I found a video on how PS4 drives operate and watched it for 30 minutes. Opened the drive to pieces. Learned how the mechanism works and then put it all back together. I spent the whole evening doing this. It did not work and I realized it was just a faulty drive. I thought about buying a new drive and installing it myself, but it was not worth the money.
So I borrowed my friend’s PS5 and played The Last of Us Part 1 and Part 2. 70 hours in total and I finished both games. That is where that post comes from. After that I tried to play the new Metal Gear but could not get into it. I got the dopamine hit. Returned the console to my friend and that was the end of that saga.
That is the full cycle. Impulse, hyperfocus, dopamine, done, next thing. The GSXR was the same. The camera was the same. Cloud certifications were the same. Baking was the same. The difference now is that some of these obsessions have actually compounded into a career and a skillset instead of just being discarded. The motorbike got stolen and that was that. The camera turned into DenMotion. Cloud engineering turned into a job. The documentation habit turned into self reflection that led me to this assessment.
I never planned any of this. I just kept following whatever my brain locked onto, and somehow it all connected.
The Diagnostic Criteria
The DSM-5 splits ADHD into two symptom categories. To be diagnosed as an adult you need to consistently meet at least five criteria in either or both.
Inattention
- Fails to give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes
- Difficulty sustaining attention in tasks or activities
- Does not seem to listen when spoken to directly
- Fails to follow through on instructions or finish tasks
- Difficulty organising tasks and activities
- Avoids or is reluctant to engage in tasks requiring sustained mental effort
- Loses things necessary for tasks and activities
- Easily distracted by extraneous stimuli or unrelated thoughts
- Forgetful in daily activities
Hyperactivity and Impulsivity
- Fidgets or squirms in seat
- Leaves seat in situations where remaining seated is expected
- Feelings of restlessness or being driven by a motor
- Unable to engage in leisure activities quietly
- Talks excessively
- Blurts out answers before a question is completed
- Difficulty waiting turn
- Interrupts or intrudes on others
The Three Rules
On top of meeting the criteria above, the diagnosis requires three additional conditions to be met.
- Several symptoms were present before the age of twelve
- Symptoms are present in two or more settings such as home, work, or social situations
- There is clear evidence that symptoms interfere with quality of life or functioning
My Read
When I look at my entire post against that checklist, the overlap is massive. The daydreaming, the academic pattern, losing my keys, the motorbikes, the arrest, getting out of my chair, the spending. The forms I filled out are basically just a tool to measure my life against those exact diagnostic rules. I am really curious to see how the assessor weighs my raw data against their rulebook.
AI Pattern Analysis
What this section is
I fed the raw data from this post into Gemini Pro and asked it to analyse my behavioral patterns against standard ADHD criteria. This is not a medical opinion. It is an AI reading what I wrote and identifying patterns. The real assessment happens on April 21.
Inattention and Working Memory
The data shows a severe and lifelong pattern of inattention. Childhood examples include persistent daydreaming and an inability to focus on school movies for two hours. In adulthood this manifests as severe face blindness, relying entirely on mental storage rather than writing things down, and a lack of object permanence. Losing bank cards, leaving keys on a motorbike box, and finding items in the kitchen sink are textbook working memory deficits. Furthermore, the intense sensory irritation caused by gym announcements and London sirens points to an inability to filter out auditory distractions.
Hyperactivity and Restlessness
The physical hyperactivity is incredibly pronounced. Childhood records show constant climbing, fractured elbows, and jumping off goal posts. As an adult this physical restlessness mutated into an inability to sit at a desk without pacing, hating queues, and requiring extreme physical exertion to maintain a baseline. Training five times a week and walking ten thousand steps a day are highly effective self medicating strategies for physical hyperactivity.
Impulsivity and Risk Tolerance
This is the most significant clinical marker in the report. The brain consistently prioritizes immediate dopamine over long term consequences. Examples include renting a motorbike in Bodrum at seventeen, hitting 160 miles per hour in traffic, spending two grand on a whim, and engaging in unprotected sex. The impulsivity escalated into gambling and dealing off a registered hire moped in the City of London. Socially, the blunt communication and offending partners on dates show a clear lack of verbal impulse control.
Executive Dysfunction and Hyperfocus
The academic record perfectly illustrates executive dysfunction. Failing A levels and university exams, only to clutch a 2.1 Law degree in the final term, proves the brain requires absolute panic to initiate a boring task. Conversely, the hyperfocus is staggering. Engineering a complete AWS media infrastructure in seven days, mastering a GSXR 600 in one year, and achieving six AWS certifications demonstrate that this is an attention regulation issue. When the brain is interested, it locks in with a level of focus that neurotypical brains cannot match.
Diagnostic Continuity
To secure a diagnosis, symptoms must be present since childhood. The Wender Utah Rating Scale criteria are fully met by the year four daydreaming, the class clown behavior, and the physical injuries. These traits have continuously impacted adulthood, proving this is a lifelong neurodevelopmental baseline and not an adult onset issue.
Final Thoughts
The current framework of clean eating, fitness, and journaling acts as a highly successful scaffolding system. It keeps the chaos managed and allows the cloud engineering hyperfocus to thrive. However, the raw data overwhelmingly points to a textbook presentation of Combined Type ADHD. It will be highly surprising if the medical assessment on April 21 does not result in a formal diagnosis.
Documented April 2026. London.